{Some days, knowing there’s more and feeling “stuck” on earth, just gets to me … )

Where am I?

Since my birth I am disconcertedly disconcerted before a door that now faces away from me and is firmly shut. It is a slight door and very small; so small, in fact, most don’t know of it.

I dearly want to open it and regain the spaciousness beyond but too many things said, heard, and so often believed, impede my confidence and courage to even tell myself what I know of that spaciousness.

And so must end … this … fizzled … out …. post ….

Up there, a sun is giving a moon its light.

I have never wondered where light comes from, I brought it with me. It followed me unable to stay behind and disappear. It stayed because it is what I am. I am a sun and the earth is my moon. I am reminded of this when I look up.

I start the morning with a pen in my hand and my heart quietly stirs. Listen, I’m told, let something do the work. Remember, Something, has done the work and it isn’t your mind.

Words come. Questions from my longing are answered. And all I did was listen.

To put my fingers on keys, is to find that my fingers love keys. Little keys work in harmony with little fingers. I expect nothing to be said, of course, nothing to reveal itself, for what would reveal itself? I am only putting fingers on keys. But you know, just that question, that tiny feeling-thought, holds magic in its folds for me. That’s because my mind is wrapped in magic and makes a big deal of the very ordinary. My mind knows how to take me to the far reaches of Forever and bring back a story that makes the morning awaken the night. Only magic from Forever makes things grow and glow with life. So, as I sit here innocently tapping, I am growing and glowing from what happens to my knowing when my fingers touch the keys. I am propelled from a small simple person to the immensity of my eternal being.

Oh, yes I am. Within this moment that is only a comma on the thread of Forever, the world opens up and I fall into a deep peace and perfection. In the comma of time I live in, lives real magic. Deep inside. Hidden but not lost. What I am capable of feeling is the ever-present Life constantly becoming more of Itself in order to never fade or fail. It is the movement of change that promises continual renewal. It is the breathless freedom of imagination. I let myself spiral and twirl and blend into the ever fresh, different, more, better, higher, wider, deeper, surer, closer, nearer, simpler, truer. I am brighter than before and open to the still to come.

This is what happens when my fingers touch the keys. My dear inner self talks to me and says things unscientifically but more than speculatively for I am breathed by the Universe and become Its own life. This is the secret power in creativity.

As a human, my once free-flowing river of awareness is producing unexpected ripples of perception causing me to constantly make adjustments to my sense of self. I feel entangled in long ribbons of thinking that crisscross my imperturbable innerness to form the sound I bring forth as a voice and the manifestation I present as a personality. I have to work at quieting these ribbons. They require discipline, they are merely a tool. They must be told they are not me. I must be the one to tell them.

Yes, I am standing on Earth, playing at being human. I study and use definitions in order for other humans to find me in the shadows of their own ribbons of thought. I make words to reveal myself. I have words made for me to discern others. I remember distinctly not having the need to do this, which may be why I comment on having to do so now. My commenting seems irrelevant to others, and this has kept me from considering how important it is for me to say this to myself. Some words cannot reach other ears or hearts. I’ve learned that doesn’t matter at all. My ears, my heart, need to be told what wonders they can know. I’m noticing that other humans too often don’t tell themselves what matters to them uniquely. They wait for someone else to do all the telling. This explains a lot. I find being human a very bittersweet affair.

The thing is, there is a Divinity in each of us—an equal portion of the Infinite Light. It must be recognized to shine. And it is meant to be whispered in the Silence of Self where the Invisible holds us in Forever. It is how I pray—I find Forever in my feeling self. There, life on Earth becomes meaningful, more sweet than bitter. It is such an exciting opportunity to let the Infinite Light shine in this material dream. The two of them create the most extraordinary means for growth and newness. I think the secret is: we came to play. So, let’s do that and not worry about the ribbons of unhappy thoughts others are creating with. Our own has all the power we need to be in a safe world and not trip over words. Our own knowing is all we need.