My Heart and I

The sands that dust the horizon at dusk become the clouds for the rainy days when my heart is groaning with despair.  My heart is surprised it needs to groan with despair.  It didn’t know it was made to do this, but since we’ve arrived here together in this human world, it does this a lot.

My heart lives sweetly within me.  It often slows itself down to infrequent beats to help me hear what is even softer than my breath.  My heart knows it is important that I hear the Silence.  We both need to hear the Silence.  My heart tells me often of the delicate mystery of the Silence.  It speaks of this in mysterious terms but somehow I understand, when I take the time to listen.

My heart is so glad when I come to it, all humble and a little bit lost.  It doesn’t want my weakness, of course, but it has learned it is in weakness I can receive what it gives.  Other times, I am slaying dragons and shouting from rooftops that I am strong and full of spice and vinegar to conquer all that needs conquering in my world.  When I am tired of the battles, weary of the treacherous disappointments, I return humbled and modest and able to hear the quiet murmurs of important things said not in words.

My heart has been missing me lately.  This I know for it is telling me this now.  It is clearing the way for me to find my true self for I am that which is made of faithfulness but have felt lost.  At the center of my being is the very foundation of a Life and Love that contains me in certainty.  I am the truth of Its being.  I know from Its knowing.  I am forever upheld in Its goodness.

My heart is guiding me even through this block of words on a lighted screen, because I am not saying things that are merely words and punctuations.  I am not really living in a world that needs to be said aloud or waited for.  I am not even the disguise of a lost soul.  I am the one who stands solid on Nothingness. 

But have I been needing something?  Something the outer world cannot give me?  Can there be a reason for my despair? 

Yes.  There is a secret longing in my heart – from my Heart —  to have, even in this Human world, my one true self, the one not visible to my eyes … or yours.  I want to remember Who I really am.

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